Friday, March 21, 2014

The Acceptable Version of My Mom

                   Mutti II

                         I’m here for you.  I will…
love you,
care for you,
respect you,
admire you,
help you,
understand you,
listen to you,
guide you,
                                   and basically do all the
                         things I should have done before.
My mom died in November, 2012. I hadn't seen her in a decade. A few years before her death I found a miniature doll that looked like her and outfitted her quasi-doppelganger with a t-shirt bearing the above image and words. The reason for the doll was to have some type of motherly figure that finally (symbolically) gave me what I had needed, and also showed what I lacked during my formative years. 

She always thought she provided these things. She was deluded. Even when there was evidence of her doling out something of value it was quickly nullified by another act of neglect. She gave me life and then promptly forgot her world was now enhanced by another being with needs. Her own selfish ones still seemed to rule her behaviors.

It took many years, many tears and an awful lot of hard work and struggle to get through what went wrong in my childhood. But in the end, I knew I was on the right track of my life despite how I grew up; I had gotten through it and was even thriving in my adulthood. The big fissures in my psyche had grown together, almost healed. Her death actually helped provide the rest of the closure, the cracks disappeared. Welcome to my complete recovery from not-so-hot parenting. 

Maybe she was a brilliant mother after all?

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

One Life: It's Worth Living Fully

I only needed to be born once to appreciate that life only has meaning if you really live it.

Take on the new experiences that come your way and forcefully engage with them all. Make meaningful decisions and take the necessary risks to escalate your safe zone into an arena which will stretch your talents to new heights and levels of understanding. Get the zest out of the unknown to add more flavor to your life. Breathe in challenge and experience satisfaction and victories you might not have known otherwise.

Stay focused, engage with enthusiasm, be positive and don't ever shake off the well-being you have given yourself. When you said yes to life, you gave yourself permission to be in control of what you put out into the world. Your desire for pleasure and substance created the mixture you are now immersed in; the tonic called 'living your life to the fullest!'

And may you always drink heavily from that cup.

Friday, March 14, 2014

Novaturient - Be New, Be Improved

Real change begins to show in and around us when we thoroughly embrace a willingness to see it develop. Pain frequently precedes
 that change, being the 
catalyst for good.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Post Un-Intention
Your actions were unintentional...
they hurt anyway.

You said you would never do this intentionally,
That would make you a monster.

Your integrity was lacking, just like your apology.
My will is lacking now, and my disappointment is immense.

Your unintentionally created abyss is deep.
I don't know if we'll survive the fall.

You're looking up for redemption,
I'm looking down deeper into the hole where you left me.

You say you'll do anything,
Then do the right things... intentionally.