Tuesday, November 28, 2017

I Crossed Into Darkness

Grief, sadness, anger, confusion - I drowned in it.
Adrenaline got me through.

Exhaustion and the after-effects of tragedy leave me numb.

My eyes are less wet now.
Thankfully not the torrents of before.

Overcoming the emotions crosses my mind. Likely not for some time.

I'm seeing the spectrum of human response being split off in ten thousand conversations.
More grief, sadness, anger, and confusion.

We all think we have the answers to all the whys and what-ifs, we don't; we just have more questions.

Chase one thought, a multitude more pop up to reflect on.

Mentally being banged up against a cerebral shoreline over and over again.
Each crash is opening a new wound.

It's draining, and it's dark.

Eventually, it will cease to have the hold on me but it doesn't change the fact my life feels less bright.

Monday, November 20, 2017

Real Conversations - #1 Sweet Relief

Me: I think I know what could help me with my change in eating habits.

You: Cool, how could I do that?

Me: Well, you know that I have a hard time resisting sweets. How about you take all the goodies you buy and put them in either a hidden place or a locked place, so I won't access them?

You: Why should I do that? How does that help you? Shouldn't you just learn self-control and just not eat the things that are bad for your goals?

Me: You and I are different. You could sit there and eat 10 chips or a handful of gummi bears and you're done. I, on the other hand, start with one and then the whole bag is gone. We're different and I'm asking for your help to solve this. Outta sight, outta mind kind of thing.

You: But then I have to go out of my way to enjoy my stuff. I'm not the one with the problem with self-control.

Me: Yeah, you're right. I am the one with the problem. I have an addictive personality and that's difficult to overcome. In addition, I also seem to be with a man who claims to want to help me when I'm struggling with something. But realistically it has to be convenient for him.

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Addled Mind

Your inability to be clear in your understanding of anything
 is directly related to the quality of thinking. 

Kind of like when your camera doesn't take crisp images. 
It's because it's a crappy camera.

Susi Bocks