"To Thine Own Self Be True"

"But I really do love myself!"

Sure you do. I hear that all the time. But I don't see very much of that self-love.

And it's a hard thing to do. I know. It took me many

 years to embrace myself lovingly.

Don't deny yourself the things which make you happy.

Do enjoy all that gives you pleasure and joy.

Don't let other's opinions hold you back from realizing your full potential.

Do find activities which contribute to your health and sanity.

Don't actively sabotage yourself and your happiness.

Do foster relationships with people who honor you.

Don't engage in things that harm you or your well-being.

Do follow through on your dreams.

I  Love You... Please Love Yourself

I Got You

"If love is knowing and accepting someone for who they truly are, and feeling

 the same in return, this is as visceral and connecting as it gets."

Julie Lynn

We're on the same page. I accept you as you accept me.

We're together.

I'm safe... so are you.

Life will not tear me down as long as I choose to protect you and me. 

I hope that means forever...

Not Superhuman

I do not have my shit together. But the current situation is under control.

Susi Bocks

Shattering The Hold

Intensity laced with lunacy... it's seductively subliminal.

Past hurt swept away by the look masquerading as deeply in love... it's not love.

It's danger.

And it easily has you... if you are not careful.

The fiery element of psychological warfare playing out in the depths of your mind.

Don't be deceived by the charm of the snakes, the force of the demanding ones

or by the egos of those where clever observation never occurs.

They will hurt you. Maybe not right away, but they will.

The scars of learning are deep, and never healing.

See it before it gets a hold of you.

Never Really Knew You

Shutterstock.com

You're a mystery to me, then and still.

I remember you, but I don't know you. Our interactions were few, my memories of you even less.

You were meant to be an important part in my life. It was what you chose to be. But that didn't translate. I was alone, without you being by my side or having my back.

The space you occupied you didn't share. Why? Did you just want to remain anonymous? Maybe revealing would have been too painful. Remaining secluded in your own private world where you felt safe was better for you.

I wanted to know you. But somehow I failed. No. You failed me.

I only got to see the outside you presented to the world. Was there more going on or really nothing at all? I wouldn't know. You didn't share yourself with me. I should have been one of the most important people to do that with. Didn't you like me or did you just not know how?

So many questions...

Did you achieve your goals? Were you satisfied with your life at all and especially at the end? I didn't know then or now. You were so quiet and not revealing of yourself.

Years you were in my life, and I didn't know you. Now you're dead to me.

There's no hope of ever knowing the real you now.

Such a waste of precious moments that were shared with you. They could have been spent on other people who wanted to foist their humanity into my space willingly and with good intention.

You don't feel like a loss because I never had you... really, ever.

Bestie

www.wallconvert.com

I pay attention to your story. It's what a friend is supposed to do.

Unknown

Support, acknowledgement, and love... for you... always.

But the struggles you had when I wasn't there to ease you through, not working through your shit with you and being there to help you stay ahead of what else was coming your way... I'm sorry for that. :(

I'm your friend. Your need is my command... always.

I listen, but I also hear you. You are inside, forged into me so long ago.

Unknown

Best friend means I owe you as much adoration and acceptance as I give myself.

You deserve it.

Feeling So Many Different Directions Today

Artist Unknown

The day began like any other; the sunlight woke me up. I smiled really big.

Then I remembered I forgot it was supposed to be a very special day.

One filled with laughter, joy and a reverence for love... the usual for a day belonging only to us. But instead the hours flowed from one chore into the next accompanied by intense feelings which were both distant and reflective. There were tears too.

But it wasn't all bad. I daresay even uplifting. Good friends reminded me that I was special and deserving of their love. That was cause for happy tears.

I've heard it said that shopping solves nothing. This trip did though. Tonight it will be a comfort to me in so many ways. Let's hope it carries me through until the days are filled with less what ifs.

I cherish the special people making this day feel lighter. You helped, and I thank you for that.

And to those who made this day normal-seeming, I owe you a debt of gratitude as well. I got through it with less damage.

Tomorrow will begin again like any other day. And I'll smile really big again.

Hopefully, my feelings will stay the course.

I Belong To Me

"I'm not yours... I'm mine."

Susi Bocks

I Won't Tell You "I Told You So"

*deep sorrowful sigh

I'm sorry. So, so sorry. 

I didn't succeed in saving you from your fate.

You're broken now. The trust is gone, and so are your reserves. Your faith in love is shattered. It seems utterly unbelievable to have made it to this place of darkness. But you're here now... and I'm hurting with you, dearest.

Oh pain, please just go away! Leave him alone. The agony is too much for tender shoulders to bear. Ease up... I beg you.

You'll get through this, people say. It doesn't feel like that when you're in the thick of it though. But know this... I'm here till the tears stop rolling, the deep ache subsides and the reality of moving on alone becomes easier to accept. Whatever you need, love... I promise.

I'm here for you. Always.

Elusive Bliss

www.brighteyecounselling.co.uk/

"One is too many, and too many is never enough."
Susi Bocks

The angst falls away as soon as your drink of choice enters your bloodstream. What was once edgy is now smooth. You can take standing in this zone with a renewed sense of confidence. 

Until it begins to fade.

Time for the next drink, and the next, and the next...

Needing to feel at ease, wanting the pain to stop. That first drink takes you there, and the rest give you a false sense that everything will be fine. It's an endless cycle of feeling good and feeling like shit; being in hell is the outcome.

That's the roller coaster named Elusive Bliss. Sometimes you want to get off, and you do. But one bad moment pulls you back on that ride. It's good, if only for a little while. That piece of ease is the promise booze makes. You'll feel way better than where you just were. You hold on to that moment for as long as you can. But it always goes away, and the shit that was your life is back.

Get off that ride... please.

Not Waiting For...

... you to be all in. You don't know how.

... your approval. I don't require it, but it would have been nice.

... the respect I deserve. You haven't a clue what that means.

... your call. I've moved on.

... a sincere apology. Because sincerity is not your strong suit.

... your interest. You never were curious.

... acceptance. Who needs the feigned kind?

... your love. It's not genuine anyway.


Not waiting for any of it because it will never come.

The Competition Is Over

deviantart.net

When I look in the mirror now, I see the beauty within and on the surface of the creation which was initially out of my hands.

It wasn't always that way.

"You're so fat."
"Can't you be smarter?"
"Just stop, I'll do it. You're doing it wrong!"
"You're not good enough!"
"Why can't you do better?"
"Only angry people are crazy!"
"No one will want to date you."
"You're so stupid!"
"Can't you do anything right?"

The words were repeated often enough and fell easily into my psyche, stuck there for a long time.

I never realized when I was younger it was a sick and twisted game initiated by someone who was supposed to just love me. I didn't know how to maneuver a win against someone I looked up to. The person who made me feel low and afraid to achieve had an agenda which my tender years didn't understand. I was competition, and it elevated her every time any one of those statements were uttered. She, being the winner every time. Me, the loser.

Or so I thought.

Today I'm filled with confidence in my being, a fierce determination to exist exactly the way I want to be, have an appreciation for myself which was non-existent before, and hold the strong position that I am just right. My body image was extremely poor and to this day I don't think I see what others do, but I'm probably three-quarters of the way there to loving my body exactly as it is.

I don't need to compete with the ghost anymore. Who I am and how I look was already winning.

Crap Words and True Deeds

quoteszilla.com

We tell people what we want them to think about us. 

We show people who we really are.

Figuring Out People

                                  

mikeleefit

           
 

claudettechevrier.wordpress.com

                 

      



Bottom line - you have everything in front of you, keep your eyes wide open. What comes out of their mouths has to match their behavior.

Beware of mendacious humans.

Camouflaged Love

The hate, it comes in waves. You think that's all there is. There's more...

Underneath the hate is a love aching to be healed, and also to love again. Deeply. Better next time.

I buried my love for you, but you helped push it deeper down, and away from sight. Waiting for a rebirth.

Will it happen?
Is it possible to love again after so much pain?
Will I choose it or continue with my hate?

Achingly slow is the process to healing. One justified reason after another makes me take my time to resolve this pain.

Some I will never return to, their infliction was just too much to bear. Others will remain within my battlefield for a long time until there is no longer hate, but also no longer any love to speak of or feel. Then there are those who are worthy of me to gift again with my precious love. I or rather we, work together to remove the camouflage of hate.

This New Day

I forge a determined path of beneficial destruction. Getting down to the business of leaving behind broken enemies, in-your-face liars, betrayers and the down-right unlikable. The self-empowered road stakes a claim on a sane future. I'm surrounded by genuine words, friends and actions.

Behold this better life... the one I am deserving of.

Pretty Ugly Liars

I wasted so many years on you. That I do regret.

Things would be so much better if people wouldn't lie to each other. The worst is when family looks you straight in the face and does it to you, and then acts like there's something wrong with you.

I got your number, I ain't never dialing it again. I don't talk to liars anymore.

Existence Is Not Enough For A Conscious Mind

thearno.blogspot.com

Yes... do survive, please. We want you here for a long time. Do whatever it takes to make it through to a ripe old age, but be sure to fill it with the stuff dreams are made of.

Your happiness depends on it. Really live through and revel in your relationships, your community, your job, and most importantly, your desires.

I'll Go On Without You

               

I DID

Sanity Lost

SuperbWallpapers.com

Life was for the taking, you bit off less than you could have. Fear kept you trapped. Your journey was one of soothing, but numbing and boring repetition. Reaching out for new experiences, challenging that fear was impossible. Only mere moments captured some excitement, quelling and satisfying your deep yearning for more life.

It wasn't enough. You left this world unfulfilled.

I weep for you.