Real Conversations - #1 Sweet Relief

Me: I think I know what could help me with my change in eating habits.

You: Cool, how could I do that?

Me: Well, you know that I have a hard time resisting sweets. How about you take all the goodies you buy and put them in either a hidden place or a locked place, so I won't access them?

You: Why should I do that? How does that help you? Shouldn't you just learn self-control and just not eat the things that are bad for your goals?

Me: You and I are different. You could sit there and eat 10 chips or a handful of gummi bears and you're done. I, on the other hand, start with one and then the whole bag is gone. We're different and I'm asking for your help to solve this. Outta sight, outta mind kind of thing.

You: But then I have to go out of my way to enjoy my stuff. I'm not the one with the problem with self-control.

Me: Yeah, you're right. I am the one with the problem. I have an addictive personality and that's difficult to overcome. In addition, I also seem to be with a man who claims to want to help me when I'm struggling with something. But realistically it has to be convenient for him.

I Got You

"If love is knowing and accepting someone for who they truly are, and feeling

 the same in return, this is as visceral and connecting as it gets."

Julie Lynn

We're on the same page. I accept you as you accept me.

We're together.

I'm safe... so are you.

Life will not tear me down as long as I choose to protect you and me. 

I hope that means forever...

Shattering The Hold

Intensity laced with lunacy... it's seductively subliminal.

Past hurt swept away by the look masquerading as deeply in love... it's not love.

It's danger.

And it easily has you... if you are not careful.

The fiery element of psychological warfare playing out in the depths of your mind.

Don't be deceived by the charm of the snakes, the force of the demanding ones

or by the egos of those where clever observation never occurs.

They will hurt you. Maybe not right away, but they will.

The scars of learning are deep, and never healing.

See it before it gets a hold of you.

I'm Alone

deviantart.com

Your game doesn't include me.
It never really did.

You think you direct the outcome.
You don't.

The wheel was in your control for so long.
Not anymore.

I don't like the direction we're going.
It's not the destination I'd choose.

You need it.
I don't.

Go.

I'm really ok.

Never Really Knew You

Shutterstock.com

You're a mystery to me, then and still.

I remember you, but I don't know you. Our interactions were few, my memories of you even less.

You were meant to be an important part in my life. It was what you chose to be. But that didn't translate. I was alone, without you being by my side or having my back.

The space you occupied you didn't share. Why? Did you just want to remain anonymous? Maybe revealing would have been too painful. Remaining secluded in your own private world where you felt safe was better for you.

I wanted to know you. But somehow I failed. No. You failed me.

I only got to see the outside you presented to the world. Was there more going on or really nothing at all? I wouldn't know. You didn't share yourself with me. I should have been one of the most important people to do that with. Didn't you like me or did you just not know how?

So many questions...

Did you achieve your goals? Were you satisfied with your life at all and especially at the end? I didn't know then or now. You were so quiet and not revealing of yourself.

Years you were in my life, and I didn't know you. Now you're dead to me.

There's no hope of ever knowing the real you now.

Such a waste of precious moments that were shared with you. They could have been spent on other people who wanted to foist their humanity into my space willingly and with good intention.

You don't feel like a loss because I never had you... really, ever.

The Way To Love

The Paper Wall

Love soothes, but only with genuine empathy.

                    Don't remove my struggle from my control.

                              Let me gain the knowledge I need to grow.

                                        Be by my side, watch me heal.

                                                  See the places where it takes me.

Love doesn't fix things. It just eases the conflict. 

                    Don't be the answer to my problems, my wannabe protector.

                              Be my companion on my own personal journey. 

                                        Enjoy my company, enhance my experience,

                                                  and inspire me by the path you take.

Love doesn't happen in a vacuum. It needs you and me, together.

                    Free from distrust, anxiety, worry, anger, and shame.

                              It's a warm place, filled with comfort and ease.

                                        It's a space where wholeness resides.

                                                  Our happy place, created together. 

                                                         

Love feels easy, but people are hard. They're complicated and stupid.

                    Don't sabotage a good thing, intentionally or unintentionally.

                              Remember I'm who you love; you know why you do.

                                        Fill any distance with kindness and care.

                                                  Especially those times when you're sad.

Love always wants more quality-rich lingering moments of sweetness.

                    Any effort on your part to provide them is cherished.

                              Your reward is acquiescence to almost anything.

                                        Comfort and pleasure is had by the both of us.

                                                  Don't hold back. Give me what I crave.

Love is required. And love is needed.                         

Bestie

www.wallconvert.com

I pay attention to your story. It's what a friend is supposed to do.

Unknown

Support, acknowledgement, and love... for you... always.

But the struggles you had when I wasn't there to ease you through, not working through your shit with you and being there to help you stay ahead of what else was coming your way... I'm sorry for that. :(

I'm your friend. Your need is my command... always.

I listen, but I also hear you. You are inside, forged into me so long ago.

Unknown

Best friend means I owe you as much adoration and acceptance as I give myself.

You deserve it.

Feeling So Many Different Directions Today

Artist Unknown

The day began like any other; the sunlight woke me up. I smiled really big.

Then I remembered I forgot it was supposed to be a very special day.

One filled with laughter, joy and a reverence for love... the usual for a day belonging only to us. But instead the hours flowed from one chore into the next accompanied by intense feelings which were both distant and reflective. There were tears too.

But it wasn't all bad. I daresay even uplifting. Good friends reminded me that I was special and deserving of their love. That was cause for happy tears.

I've heard it said that shopping solves nothing. This trip did though. Tonight it will be a comfort to me in so many ways. Let's hope it carries me through until the days are filled with less what ifs.

I cherish the special people making this day feel lighter. You helped, and I thank you for that.

And to those who made this day normal-seeming, I owe you a debt of gratitude as well. I got through it with less damage.

Tomorrow will begin again like any other day. And I'll smile really big again.

Hopefully, my feelings will stay the course.

I Belong To Me

"I'm not yours... I'm mine."

Susi Bocks

I Won't Tell You "I Told You So"

*deep sorrowful sigh

I'm sorry. So, so sorry. 

I didn't succeed in saving you from your fate.

You're broken now. The trust is gone, and so are your reserves. Your faith in love is shattered. It seems utterly unbelievable to have made it to this place of darkness. But you're here now... and I'm hurting with you, dearest.

Oh pain, please just go away! Leave him alone. The agony is too much for tender shoulders to bear. Ease up... I beg you.

You'll get through this, people say. It doesn't feel like that when you're in the thick of it though. But know this... I'm here till the tears stop rolling, the deep ache subsides and the reality of moving on alone becomes easier to accept. Whatever you need, love... I promise.

I'm here for you. Always.

Not Waiting For...

... you to be all in. You don't know how.

... your approval. I don't require it, but it would have been nice.

... the respect I deserve. You haven't a clue what that means.

... your call. I've moved on.

... a sincere apology. Because sincerity is not your strong suit.

... your interest. You never were curious.

... acceptance. Who needs the feigned kind?

... your love. It's not genuine anyway.


Not waiting for any of it because it will never come.

Do Goodness

sustainabletraditions.com

In the moment of someones need, offer a spark of hope. Be a catalyst for good, whatever shape that may take. It's in the hesitation or absence of fulfilling their need which sends them deeper into their despair.

Susi Bocks

I'm a Natural Beauty...

... because of the things I do, the way I contribute. 

Beauty is in action.

What we do and how we treat each other.

It's ideas commanding positive change. That doesn't require a certain look. 

The mindset we bring to the table is we won't settle for "ugly" in our actions outward.

So change the dialog...

It's time we stop looking at people as if how they appear somehow matters, really. Looks don't mean anything! Who a person is and what they do reflects more about their beauty. 

• Does your presence put people at ease?
• Do you engage with others? 
• Accept their humanity?
• Does your beauty reflect back at you when you're on the right side of an issue?
• Are you there for people in any way you can be or however they need you to be?

I want a different world which speaks a new language. Changing how we superficially view ourselves can be the start of it.

Hate On The Inside

www.ringling.edu

 “Without tolerance the world would be in constant chaos. There would be conflict with everyone’s opinions and cooperation would be impossible. With tolerance, the world is able to work together peacefully for common goals. We can be altogether happier without the constant friction of differences in our beliefs. We can share our beliefs and gain more knowledge of one another objectively, thus creating a mutual understanding of the world and greater cultural awareness. Tolerance is the only way to achieve peace in the world.”  Alissa Herman

There are many who hate. Their disgust for others is hidden by their quietness. It's not tolerance, it's cowardice and insecurity. They lack the confidence in themselves, only erupting in moments where they think they have strength in numbers. The anonymity of the Internet protects them while they douse and let those they are truly not tolerant of have it. This makes them feel powerful in their pitiful worlds.

We are upset to see what others have to say on social media and in other forums, but who hasn't uttered in their minds the nastiest things about others? Aren't we sometimes expressing the very same things, but just not in public? But we'll share them with those closest to us who feel the same. Don't certain issues dredge up emotions and expletives, but ones we choose to keep inside? Aren't we truly just as disgusting as they are, but less honest, really?

I would posit we are. It's an acceptable form of assholery. People choosing to behave more civilized outwardly to keep chaos and raw brutality to a minimum makes it a more desirable behavior though. When biting our tongues makes us analyze our thought process to establish new streams of understanding, this a positive. It makes our internal vileness tolerable in our communities because it's unspoken and not seen. It won't contribute more to the problems we face, and it is a step towards true civilization and humaneness.

Tolerance is the conduit to enlightenment and harmony.

I've been told we'll evolve someday. We are not there yet, but I hope we never stop trying.

Trysts In Dreams

binaguptapoetry.com

I stir, aroused by the return of past fiery life episodes. The intensity of the morning awakening revives exquisite sensations and feelings, I'm in awe of the desire which returns me and deposits me back into my past.

The pull of his gaze, a finger tracing my mouth and drawing me closer to his lips. A soft, warm wetness, mine mixing with his. Each kiss, tender and fierce, hastens our breath. There's an urgency, a tension demanding release, but craving so much more before it comes.

Our hands brush across each other, clutching then releasing at the subtle moments. Sighs and moans escape our lips when the gentleness or coarseness reaches a threshold in our bodies. Arching our bodies, pressing closer, the bulge of desire wanting to be cupped. It all feels so quick, but in slow-motion at the same time. The haze of excitement moves us, our bodies following an unscripted dialogue, but knowing exactly what to say.

We explore with our eyes, and undress each other with our hands. Our clothing is our only barrier, so much is already understood - the hunger to taste each other, the desire bound tightly until the right moment it can escape, the secret carnal needs - all are free in this moment.

Our tongues speak the language of sensuality, experiencing color in what we taste. The room feels engulfed by us, our red-hot fluidity. We vibrate with the energy of our imminent coupling. Every cell in our being is aroused with anticipation, every hair prickles with electricity; our bodies in tune to receive what the other has to give.

Deliciousness and moans escape our lips as our limbs intertwine, feeling the smoothness of our skin as we embrace deeper into one another. Oh the strength as our muscles tighten around each other, neither leaving intensity behind. The excitement builds, and the urgency to satisfy rises up in us both. We are open and ready now. Our passion is strong, our desires need expression.

Our eyes meet each other hungrily, penetrating the depths of our beings. It sends us deeper into our own emotional hot bed inside, the tryst becomes more and more intense. The intuitive knowing what needs touched and when delivers us to even more heights. What feels like invisible fire engulfs us both as we aim to reach the crucial element of our desires.

And then I wake up...

The Competition Is Over

deviantart.net

When I look in the mirror now, I see the beauty within and on the surface of the creation which was initially out of my hands.

It wasn't always that way.

"You're so fat."
"Can't you be smarter?"
"Just stop, I'll do it. You're doing it wrong!"
"You're not good enough!"
"Why can't you do better?"
"Only angry people are crazy!"
"No one will want to date you."
"You're so stupid!"
"Can't you do anything right?"

The words were repeated often enough and fell easily into my psyche, stuck there for a long time.

I never realized when I was younger it was a sick and twisted game initiated by someone who was supposed to just love me. I didn't know how to maneuver a win against someone I looked up to. The person who made me feel low and afraid to achieve had an agenda which my tender years didn't understand. I was competition, and it elevated her every time any one of those statements were uttered. She, being the winner every time. Me, the loser.

Or so I thought.

Today I'm filled with confidence in my being, a fierce determination to exist exactly the way I want to be, have an appreciation for myself which was non-existent before, and hold the strong position that I am just right. My body image was extremely poor and to this day I don't think I see what others do, but I'm probably three-quarters of the way there to loving my body exactly as it is.

I don't need to compete with the ghost anymore. Who I am and how I look was already winning.

Deviant Bent

I don't know what you like.

You don't know what I like.

The head thinks it's normal,

society thinks it's wrong.

What you prefer feels good to you,

but exposing it is dangerous.

When you're absorbed in their unnatural,

it feels good.

Back to reality now,

back to bland.

What's right and what's wrong?

Your inner circle doesn't care.

But the outer structure is in control,

and you hide.

The Internet says it's ok.

My friends say it's ok.

I feel like it's ok... privately.

But the judgment is real.

We'll keep hiding in our world of normal.

Some of us.

Leave Me Weak

Favin.com

You know what I'm talking about.

We've all wanted that passion.

The one which makes you forget about the previous moments, and wish your future would never arrive. Meaning comes from staying suspended in what feels like an eternal envelopment of being left breathless and out of control, but your body is on automatic. It's an intuitive knowing of what comes next.

gorgeouscompany.files.wordpress.com

And feeling every bit of what is oh so right. You get there together. No instruction required. It's a deafening silence, the frenetic dance of passionate lovers.

Don't we all want to be left on the edge of what feels like our personal destruction, but yet blends us together in moments which seem to occupy a bigger space?

I do.

Crap Words and True Deeds

quoteszilla.com

We tell people what we want them to think about us. 

We show people who we really are.

Figuring Out People

                                  

mikeleefit

           
 

claudettechevrier.wordpress.com

                 

      



Bottom line - you have everything in front of you, keep your eyes wide open. What comes out of their mouths has to match their behavior.

Beware of mendacious humans.