Then I remembered I forgot it was supposed to be a very special day.
One filled with laughter, joy and a reverence for love... the usual for a day belonging only to us. But instead the hours flowed from one chore into the next accompanied by intense feelings which were both distant and reflective. There were tears too.
But it wasn't all bad. I daresay even uplifting. Good friends reminded me that I was special and deserving of their love. That was cause for happy tears.
I've heard it said that shopping solves nothing. This trip did though. Tonight it will be a comfort to me in so many ways. Let's hope it carries me through until the days are filled with less what ifs.
I cherish the special people making this day feel lighter. You helped, and I thank you for that.
And to those who made this day normal-seeming, I owe you a debt of gratitude as well. I got through it with less damage.
Tomorrow will begin again like any other day. And I'll smile really big again.
Hopefully, my feelings will stay the course.