I Crossed Into Darkness

Grief, sadness, anger, confusion - I drowned in it.
Adrenaline got me through.

Exhaustion and the after-effects of tragedy leave me numb.

My eyes are less wet now.
Thankfully not the torrents of before.

Overcoming the emotions crosses my mind. Likely not for some time.

I'm seeing the spectrum of human response being split off in ten thousand conversations.
More grief, sadness, anger, and confusion.

We all think we have the answers to all the whys and what-ifs, we don't; we just have more questions.

Chase one thought, a multitude more pop up to reflect on.

Mentally being banged up against a cerebral shoreline over and over again.
Each crash is opening a new wound.

It's draining, and it's dark.

Eventually, it will cease to have the hold on me but it doesn't change the fact my life feels less bright.

Real Conversations - #1 Sweet Relief

Me: I think I know what could help me with my change in eating habits.

You: Cool, how could I do that?

Me: Well, you know that I have a hard time resisting sweets. How about you take all the goodies you buy and put them in either a hidden place or a locked place, so I won't access them?

You: Why should I do that? How does that help you? Shouldn't you just learn self-control and just not eat the things that are bad for your goals?

Me: You and I are different. You could sit there and eat 10 chips or a handful of gummi bears and you're done. I, on the other hand, start with one and then the whole bag is gone. We're different and I'm asking for your help to solve this. Outta sight, outta mind kind of thing.

You: But then I have to go out of my way to enjoy my stuff. I'm not the one with the problem with self-control.

Me: Yeah, you're right. I am the one with the problem. I have an addictive personality and that's difficult to overcome. In addition, I also seem to be with a man who claims to want to help me when I'm struggling with something. But realistically it has to be convenient for him.

Addled Mind

Your inability to be clear in your understanding of anything

 is directly related to the quality of thinking. 

Kind of like when your camera doesn't take crisp images. 

It's because it's a crappy camera.

Susi Bocks

"To Thine Own Self Be True"

"But I really do love myself!"

Sure you do. I hear that all the time. But I don't see very much of that self-love.

And it's a hard thing to do. I know. It took me many

 years to embrace myself lovingly.

Don't deny yourself the things which make you happy.

Do enjoy all that gives you pleasure and joy.

Don't let other's opinions hold you back from realizing your full potential.

Do find activities which contribute to your health and sanity.

Don't actively sabotage yourself and your happiness.

Do foster relationships with people who honor you.

Don't engage in things that harm you or your well-being.

Do follow through on your dreams.

I  Love You... Please Love Yourself

Beautiful Rollercoaster

liveluvcreate.com

Life - human or any other form - is in constant motion with opposing forces.

The experiences can start slow then escalate to fast,

 or proceed in the exact opposite direction.

Climbing to great heights, only to careen downward quickly; 

full on expecting it, and generally not.

Twists and turns are had, always.

Feeling the physical ravages of the forces life has to offer;

sometimes we can't recover from them.

But the joy and the excitement of every experience gives the rider

moments of anticipation that are like nothing else.

It's beauty in motion...

Exquisite pain in the extremes.

*Thank you for the inspiration Kyle Wheeler

I Got You

"If love is knowing and accepting someone for who they truly are, and feeling

 the same in return, this is as visceral and connecting as it gets."

Julie Lynn

We're on the same page. I accept you as you accept me.

We're together.

I'm safe... so are you.

Life will not tear me down as long as I choose to protect you and me. 

I hope that means forever...